Weirdly wonderful when someone I don’t know tries to pick a fight..
Recently it was a follower on Twitter. Now know this: I used to live in dread of attack comments. Well, not so much dread as … DREAD! (No fun there..) I didn’t know how to exit those situations with dignity and honor. Then ..
….”no more of that for me!” and looked for something else I could do instead. BE instead. It took practice, and it works better as I get better at working it. (Funny how that goes, eh?) I adopted some moral guides. What a gift. Living by these four has saved me from undue angst, time after time.
Ready? Here they are
- Make a game of it. It took a while, but *finally I got this in my bones: Situations gone sideways get better faster when I bring a sense of game-play. They’re not just more tolerable. They’re fun. They provide you a sense of challenge and fun. Fun makes anything better. Games have rules. And the best part is, you get to pick the game that suits YOU.
- What’s the bigger picture? This is related to the game guideline. It’s the metaphor of checkers. Or chess. Volleyball, football. Pick a game you know fairly well. Make the gameplay your guide. Are you moving the ball forward? Taking a side step to avoid a hit? Out-flanking your foe? Pick a game you like to play. Play for fun and honor.
- People do the best they can. Honestly, even when it’s awful, it’s the best they can see. After all, if they could in-the-moment see a better option, they would take it!
- Do the players operate from different moral codes? Think of moral codes as the “game behind the game”. They’re bigger than chess, volleyball or football. The first question to ask is this: “Is that person’s moral code hierarchical? Or collaborative?” An easy way to tell is whether they listen. If they blab and blame, it’s not likely to be collaborative. Or respectful. Knowing this allows you to choose a game metaphor that can help.
Where in your life does DREAD show up? Do you know what you need to step into the leader you are, who has fun with it?